i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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