Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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