I'm going to jail i love you
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
