I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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