Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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