I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
