P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
