I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
