there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
