so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
