the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
