And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
