I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize