can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Welp...herpes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
