i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
