i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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