as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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