he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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