The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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