Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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