In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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