he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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