I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
