My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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