Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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