i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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