Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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