Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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