My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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