piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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