Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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