I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
