Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
