yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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