4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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