yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
