Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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