i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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