I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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