Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
