i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
