I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
