If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
