we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
