I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
