I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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