he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
