i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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