i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
