either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
