I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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