There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
