how can u be prego again
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
