I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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