i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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