look no pants
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
