I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
