I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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