That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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