...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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