bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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